Class Meetings for Conflict Resolution

I was having  many discipline problems recently such as bullying, fighting, teasing, and throwing things. Although I was using positive messages, modeling peaceful behavior, and giving logical consequences, it still was not enough. I needed to know more and empower all 35 of my students to have a voice.  So I hit the books and found one  extremely valuable resource. It was Teaching Children to Care: Management in the Responsive Classroom by Ruth Charney. After reading this book cover to cover over the next  two days,  I found a chapter that might help me. It was titled, “Problem Solving Class Meetings.”

Class meetings? I thought. What a wonderful idea.“The two main purposes of class meetings are to help each other and to solve problems,” Jane Nelson says. William Glasser believes that class meetings are a time when “the teacher leads the whole class in a non-judgmental discussion.”

These were the guidelines for class meetings from the book.

“Do not:

-Allow  blame or put-downs

-Use the class meeting to find wrong-doers

-Punish the whole class if a few misbehave

Do:

-Try to solve problems

-Listen to the person speaking”

I took these ideas right back to school. The next day, I told my students to get in a circle and that we were going to have a class meeting. Once we were all comfortable and close enough so that  everyone could be heard I pulled out the wooden mallet that I use for my singing bell.

“This is the talking stick, ” I said, holding it up. “Only the person holding it is allowed to speak. If someone speaks to you, you can either say, ‘Thank you for sharing,’ or respond with an apology. No arguing back and forth.”

I then explained that I was concerned about the recent rule breaking and wanted to find a way to get the entire class community to come together. I decided to model how to use the talking stick by being the first to speak.  I turned to one boy in my class, whose  name is changed  below for privacy.

“Joe, I feel upset about the choices you have made lately. You have thrown things multiple times in class, chewed gum, and disrupted class. It makes me feel disrespected when you do things like this.”

‘Joe’ looked at me and apologized sincerely. I then passed the stick to the next child saying that he/she could either share with “I feel” messages or they could pass. Many children chose to pass but what surprised me was that the children from the most troubled homes such as foster children were very open to sharing. Children were able to face others they’d been bullied by and  say how much it hurt them. Then the children who had been bullying were able to apologize or simply say, “Thank you for sharing.” Two girls who had been arguing and talking behind each other’s back spoke about how much the friendship meant to them. Even a couple of my shyest students spoke up saying how they’d felt.

For the second time around the circle I focused on problem solving. I had each child say, “I know we’ve had problems in the past but I’d like to__________”   They then filled in the blanks.  What was amazing in this step was that every child said they’d like to be friends. Even children who had been arguing terribly for weeks asked each other for friendship.

At the end of the meeting I thanked them all and reminded them that this was a special time for our class, not something to gossip about. They could share it with their parents but aside from that, what was said in a class meeting was private. Everyone agreed and there was immediate joking and silliness. 

The following week we had another meeting and every child shared about how much better they’d been getting along.

Kids can make peace!

Peace Program

       The UNESCO model of peace stems from the definition in the Program of Action on a Culture of Peace and is stated as, “a set of values, attitudes, modes of behavior, and ways of life that reject violence and prevent conflicts by tackling their root causes…through dialogue and negotiation..” If a definition exists then so does the concept. I believe that my school could create a culture of peace through teacher, parent, administrator, and student participation and am already working to effect change in my setting.

      This change begins with children. In the class there is democratic participation, a free flow of information that honors each speaker, while encouraging tolerance and solidarity. I do this in multiple ways. Messages are positive, “you may” versus “do not.” Rules are agreed upon by every member of the class. Discipline is handled gently and matter-of -factly with a focus on the action, not the child. Consequences are logical and non-violent such as time-outs for reflection or apology notes to victims of bullying. All parents are informed and asked for their agreement to such rules and consequences while asking for any input they deem helpful.

        But the above is just the beginning of what I do with my students. During the first week of school I show the  Dean and JoJo Anti-bullying and Conflict Resolution DVD about one man’s advocacy of  a  lone wild dolphin named JoJo while asking comprehension questions which connect the feeling of compassion that invariably arises to feelings the students have about difficult situations regarding bullying. I then give each student a Peace Card with good choices for conflict written on the back. I tell them that they can look at these cards any time they have a problem with another student. They also have the choice of making a Peace Card on a blank index card themselves whenever they like. Choices such as, “Just walk away,” or “Use your words,” are a couple of examples.

      I believe that children should be empowered to help other children make peace. Thus I have role played the differences between assertive, passive, and aggressive behaviors with them in order to give them the social tools they need to deal with conflicts.  Once my students have spent some time practicing making peace cards and role playing I ask for volunteers to become Dolphin Ambassadors for Peace.

     With the support of other teachers and my administration, my Dolphin Ambassadors go into other classes to teach what they have learned. Using a script I wrote, these students present the DVD and guide other classes in how to make the Peace Cards by showing examples they have made of good choices for conflict resolution.  The teacher in each class then has the choice of using more activities such as Venn diagrams, story webs, or an entire host of other lessons I have prepared to take the learning to a higher level.

    I am presently dialoguing with my principal about using the Dolphin Ambassadors during recess to reward peaceful choices and act as mediators in small conflicts. She is in agreement that when children are empowered to help their fellow students, it creates greater ownership of behavior.

     I plan to work with a team of teachers this school year to take the same program into their schools and classrooms. I have received a grant to become a Peace Education coach and now have assembled a team of motivated colleagues who believe like I do, that children need explicit instruction to be peacemakers. 

I am so excited about this year!

Peace Education Course

As I read over articles about key thinkers who advocated peace in the classroom I immediately began to examine my own practices. Where was I modeling peace for my students? How could I go further? When could I implement new strategies that kept a balance between learning, calm, and honoring the child? I still am processing all of these new ideas but did find inspiration in Dewey, Freire, and Montessori.

Montessori advocated a learning environment that followed the interests of the child. In Montessori classrooms children are given choices to develop their intellect, moral sense, and fine motor skills. As a former Montessori teacher, I found that facilitating good choices is a healthy way to help children learn to self-correct behaviors. Not only is it peaceful, but it is empowering for the child. I use Montessori language in a traditional setting to help children make positive choices with phrases such as, “You may walk,” or “I’d like to remind you all to use gentle voices, ” vs. “Don’t run, ” or “You’re noisy.” 

To take this further my zone for peace is a bulletin board on one wall that has several components. I have a poster of Dean swimming with JoJo the dolphin. Below that are three posters I made. One says, “What do Friends do?” The second says, “What do bullies do?” The third, and most important asks, “What have I done to resolve conflicts peacefully today?” Below these posters is a small table with the Peace Cards I designed and discipline cards. Peace cards index cards where children write and draw positive choices for conflicts. After creating the card the child has the choice of keeping it as a reminder of good choices, adding it to the class box, or sharing it with the child he/she has had a problem with.  

My discipline cards also have a positive component. During the first week of school, my students write their names on the back of a 5″ by 7″ cards with drawings of those things that bring them joy. That way, whenever a child needs redirection he/she is reminded of those parts of him/her that are unique. If a child does need disciplining they fill in three columns on the opposite side: date, problem, and what to do positively  next time.

I have found having Peace Cards next to discipline cards creates a place for children to feel calm. It is here that they know they are safe, respected for their individuality, and empowered to make good choices.

Returning to Writing

When life feels out of control and all power seems elusive,   writing can give us that catharsis our souls need.  For me, that was what happened when my husband left me after 24 years of marriage. At first, all I could do was cry and write nothing but  angry ramblings or self-pitying shrieks. Nothing that I’d want to share.

I couldn’t write fiction or poetry and it felt like there was another person missing along with my husband: That muse that sits on my shoulder and tells me what words fit just right on the page. So I waited. One month. Two. Now that it has been three months I can finally calm the trembling synapses enough to let my friend, Mr. Muse return to my shoulder.

He massages my lonely brow. He speaks to me in words only the two of us understand. And he tells me again and again, “This is where you belong. It’s okay. We are all alone sometimes. But you are a writer and forever you have me.”

Authonomy

I have recently joined Authonomy and love it! What is Authonomy? It is a website sponsored by HarperCollins to help authors get out of the slush pile and onto editors’ desks. How does it work? It is free to register. You just go to the site, sign in, then follow the easy directions. Then the author has a choice, either post his/her own work in progress or read and rate other authors’ works.

Those voted in the top 5 each month get to go directly to an editor’s desk.

So far I’m just reading, rating, critiquing, and making friends on the site. It’s fun to chat with authors from around the world!  Of course  Art-World  is going to get some more spit & polish before I post it. It is still pretty doggone competitive.

Interested? The link is: www.authonomy.com/

Finding my way

Being relatively new to this blogging phenomenon,  I have been lost more times than I can count on of all my fifth-graders’ fingers and toes. But I haven’t given up. Instead I try to navigate through cyberspace like some binary cell that’s stowing away on bits of cable. And what I see along the way absolutely baffles me. Tags. Links. HTML. Trackbacks. 

Does just clicking on any of these take me where I want to go?No. Instead I’m shot over to some strange flashing land that reminds of The Robot in Lost in Space crying, “Danger, danger, danger, Will Robinson.”

So I try the back key. That should take me home. It works when I’m hiking. When I backtrack on the path I end up  right where I started. But forest paths don’t have signs that say, This road has expired.  Arrgh!

Yet day after day I set out and am proud to say that I’ve learned parent pages, posts, and comments pretty doggone well. Now if I can only find what the heck a tag is.

Any directions for this perpetually lost blogger?